The LA Galaxy

In Los Angeles. The crispy meat of summertime.

Off-season friendlies are underway, and the leftover victory stains are slowly being wiped away from the eyes. To follow a team from far away makes the experience take on a butterfly-effect. You are there by virtue of being psychically attuned, but there is nothing that remotely resembles the immediacy of the game on the field:

Grass that's cut, wet and smelling faintly of chemicals sharing the air with the bodies of 90,000 people there in the arena. Cosmetics and body sprays. Heat on flesh and the sweat of the players themselves as the game moves onward.

Those elements are replaced by the local drama of the internet connection and the missing focus of helping cook dinner while getting ready for an imminent appointment. The blindfold is being put on and Yoda is telling me to strike at the ball with my lightsaber. But all around the galaxy, things are looking ominous.


Let's have a look in my crystal ball...

A few weeks ago Real Madrid played in Los Angeles against the Galaxy. David Beckham and Landon Donovan posed for pics and swapped shirts with Iker Casillas and Cristiano Ronaldo. The boys from Spain looked über-tan, like bionic George Hamiltons--and they proceeded to take the pitch and defenestrate the Galaxy 4-0. I didn't go, because what am I an asshole?

R. Madrid in California

Of particular note was Ronaldo's solo effort goal up the wing across the keeper. Damn! Madrid have also signed Coentrao, who played for Benfica and the national team, and he looks to be a pretty bad motherfucker. There must be a lot of portugese being spoken in that clubhouse. I wouldn't be surprised if everyone on the team can speak it.

In Barcelona, the boys are probably still speaking Catalán, although who knows what they are saying. They have not played a game as a full first squad since the Championship, and now they are donning these funky-ass new colors and the team is still publicly courting Cesc Fabregas back from Arsenal. This makes two summers in a row of this frustrating rumor. I don't think he's coming back, though, and that should just be dropped.

We have sent Jeffren to play in Portugal. He scored the fifth goal in the Clasico last fall, but that only showed that he could on occasion make the most of his very limited minutes on the field.

Also gone is Bojan, who couldn't sit idly with as much sweet understanding as Jeffren. Before packing for Roma, Bojan had a weird press conference where he kind of cried and complained about the side and Pep Guardiola not believing in him. Still you can kind of understand him as he has to leave the world's top team to go someplace he will actually get a chance to start nearly every game as the favored attacking option.

Bojan leaves.

On Saturday Barcelona played Man U in Washington D.C. No Messi or Xavi, and a limited contribution from many other traditional starters. It was mostly a showcase for Thiago to see how he could meet up with the wizard Iniesta. Iniesta is clearly a genius. Thiago looks very hungry and happy to be getting his playing time on the first team. He obviously wants to make an explosive impression, hence his three goals in the last two games. He scored a pearl to equalize with Man U, but then they answered only a few short minutes later. Let's hope he performs more consistently than his two former teammates.

Last season: Bojan, Jeffren and Thiago

Barça lost the exhibition 1-2, in their black colored kits with no names printed on the back in order to save room for the relocated UNICEF badge. A shaky start, perhaps. In a related bit of shudderation, Kobe Bryant showed up and put on the new Qatar Foundation jerseys at a team luncheon. Shit, man.

Tonight the team will play Chivas in Miami. It is all just a publicity jog until they return to Spain to play Madrid in the Spanish Supercup on the 14th. We just need to stretch out and get the feel for these new clothes. We don't know how to beat anyone else, but we know how to beat ourselves.